He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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