I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
