he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The Olympian is in my bed
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
