In the future we'll all be gay
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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