I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
