Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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