i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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