I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
