John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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