is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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