i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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