nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize