i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
