life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
