We're facebook friends in real life
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
