Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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