i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
