he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
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Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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