So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
two words: eviction party
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
