Duck Duck Cougar?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
40s are totally the cure
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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