kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
