Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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