they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize