dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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