You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have grass duct taped all over my body
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
