Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
