shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
