apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize