we have officially lost it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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