I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
