The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
