I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
