There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
