How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
