Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
