I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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