It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
