At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
