no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
