how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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