Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
