u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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