Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
