also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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