well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize