You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
