I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
