how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
