I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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