Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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