I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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