just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
