Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
