I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
