So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
