dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
