He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
