Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
