My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We are two peas in an std pod
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
