went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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